15 in 5: 2012 in random review

Because I love a list. Especially a random list.

1. If a restaurant has a sign that reads “no smoking,” (don’t they all?) it’s not appropriate to light your ciggie inside and then walk through the restaurant to go outside to smoke.  (Jan 2012)
2. I used to be one of those people who hated having the windows down in the car if we were going any faster than about 40 miles per hour.  The noise was unbearable.  On the way back from the lake, I realized something: rolling the windows down while traveling at a high rate of speed is loud.  Just loud enough to drown out the sound of whining, bickering children.  They are really excited to go back to school tomorrow.   (Feb 2012)
3. Despite my suggestions, there were plenty of you fools out there [at the Masters] in jeans.  First of all, it was 90 degrees on Monday.  That isn’t jean weather.  Secondly, you’re going to one of the most exclusive events in all of sports, the trip of a lifetime, and the best things you can dig out of your suitcase are your circa 1980s faded jeans and a fraternity t-shirt? (Masters 2012)
4. Also, you, lady with the teensy black tank top.  Although I’m sure the men appreciated the view of your, ahem, upper region, the shorts were pushing it. I shouldn’t be able to tell that your upper thighs have more dimples than a Titleist Pro V1.  I shouldn’t be able to see your upper thighs period.  Like, as a general rule.  (Masters 2012)
5. What’s up with these people who talk throughout a movie?  You pay all this money, and then you don’t even watch.  I didn’t spend my (husband’s) hard earned cash to hear you and your husband talk about the neighborhood gossip.  I do want to hear about it though.  Meet me later? (May 2012)
6. [Speaking of shoes], what do y’all think about little girls wearing high heels? At what age do you think it’s appropriate?  The jury’s still out on this one, but I have assured The Girl that six is way too young. (May 2012)
7. Speaking of young, should eight year old girls be calling eight year old boys?  Is it prudish to wonder? The Boy got a call from his “girlfriend” the other day.  They talked for 45 minutes.  Maybe it’s not a big deal, but maybe I’m not ready for all that.  (May 2012)
8. When the bartender offers you a shot called Poop in the Grass, you may be skeptical, but try it. It’s delicious. (June 2012)
9. Pog Mo Thoin = Kiss My Ass in Gaelic (July 2012)
10. Does it drive anyone else crazy when someone looks at your plate of (let’s just pretend) oysters, and says “EW GROSS. THEY ARE SO DISGUSTING,” and they proceed to go on and on about all of the things that are nasty about, say, oysters? We have a One Bite to Be Polite rule, and after that, if you still don’t like it, please, keep your mouth shut.  (Aug 2012)
11. Oh, can we say one other thing about making choices? What the hell is up with the new (proposed? Voted on?) name for Augusta State + GHSU/MCG? Georgia Regents is the most azzinine (wait. Did I just say that?) name I’ve ever heard. I can’t find anyone who likes it. Well, except for Azziz. Apparently votes were taken, and GRU was the one liked least. Apparently that doesn’t matter to anyone except the silly GBOR. Did you hear that GBOR? We all think you’re silly now. And that’s putting it mildly. (Aug 2012)
12. It goes without saying but bears repeating. Jordan White was a lovely girl. Her life was cut short. Hug your people, people. (Sept 2012)
13. To the lady at Publix: My slow pace was totally intentional. I stood there looking for my keys, which were really tucked in to the zipper pocket in my purse, just to tick you off. I consider the entire operation a success, because when you opened your window to yell at me, your three kids got a reprieve from the ciggy hotbox you so generously created for them.  (Oct 2012)
14. Many folks out there need a refresher course on airplane etiquette. First of all, armrests are a necessity. If you don’t use them, we’re basically all sitting on a tiny couch together. With seat belts.  Awkward. (Nov 2012)
15. Final soapbox: Jordan was an organ donor. A twelve year old girl got her heart and another chance at life. Three other people’s lives were saved as well. Check the box when you renew your license. Tell your family. It gives a pretty thick silver lining to an otherwise crap pile of a situation. (Sept 2012)